Do any other expats ever feel this sometimes: you’re walking on the street in your adopted country and suddenly see or hear something that reminds you of your home country and you feel a pang in the heart?
This happens to me every time I see something with the words “Mexico” on it or worse yet, when I hear people talking in Spanish and I realize they’re Mexicans. I just can’t help feeling instantly connected to that thing or those people. Even if they have nothing to do with me. Even if they can’t even tell that I’m Mexican too. Even if they don’t realize that I’m looking at them. I just feel that I am linked to them somehow.
At the beginning, when I moved here and I would come across Mexicans in a public place I would simply go up to them and say hello. Hubby would be horrified… he couldn’t understand how I could do this being as he never feels the urge to go up to a perfect stranger in a foreign country and start speaking to that person simply because they are French. But, to me it felt different: the fact that I was living in a foreign country and that mexicans don't/can't travel to Europe that easily made it necessary for me to try and establish contact. These strangers and I shared a common something, two actually: the same culture and the fact that we were both away from home. How could we not have many more things in common? How could we not meet and instantly become best buddies? It just seemed the logical thing to do to me....
I once went up and started talking to a couple I overheard speaking Spanish at the top of the Eiffel Tower. It turns out they were from Puebla and the girl had gone to my same school!! When I excitedly went back to tell this to hubby he asked me “and now what?”. And he was right… then what? Even though I gave them my telephone number and email I never heard from them again. That's when I began to realize that no, just having a language in common was not enough and that my purpose in life wasn't to befriend every single mexican I encountered in France.
So with time I stopped saying “quiobole” to every person I saw wearing the Mexican national soccer jersey on the streets of Paris.
Still, even after all these years, the urge to reach out is still there…
The other day, hubby and I were shopping at an Italian food stand and the three sales guys had a heavy accent. You could tell they weren’t French, yet somehow I knew they were not Italians either even though they were obviously trying to play the part. While we were ordering with one of the sales guys, I suddenly heard the other two speaking to each other in Spanish and what’s more in mexican slang. Thinking that nobody could understand their “lingo” they were going at it with as many groserias as a regular mexican would use if he was having that same conversation in the middle of the Zocalo while attending a concert of El Tri. I tried to ignore the pang and the blood rush I felt but when the last “estuvo de poquisima madre, guey” reached my ears, I couldn’t stand it anymore and turned to face them. They instantly felt my stare and turned around to look at me. I couldn't help smiling and shooting them a complicity look that said “yup, that’s right guys, I get it”. The whole thing lasted no more than 3 seconds before I turned back to face hubby, grabbed our groceries and left the store. As I walked passed them I could still feel them staring at me with a puzzled look on their faces.
Why is it that us expats need to do this? Why do we feel the need to reach out and grab on to that fragile thread that connects us to those coming from our home country when perhaps under different circumstances nothing else would link us to them?
Fned.
9 comments:
This is something I've pondered for years, you expressed it so well. I have friends, she is French, he is from Alabama. I asked her once if she had that urge when she heard people speaking French here in Mexico and she said no, never, but her husband did.
I've gotten over it, mostly, because I live in such a touristy area with so many English speakers. When I've been in areas where they are few and far between though, the urge is overwhelming. I would think that there are so few Mexicans that you run into that it would be hard not to talk to them and why not? It is a little piece of kindness and humanity between strangers, I love the idea of that.
Yep, it gives you a secret thrill somehow to be able to speak your language naturally to someone else and be instantly understood and acknowledged for that... and if you can't satisfy it with people, you might find yourself sniffing the air or hearing a certain birdsong in the a.m. and the whole world goes into slow motion because OMG, that's exactly the smell / sound of a summer morning in SAT. The urge is always there; that urge to establish a link. Or maybe it's the urge to go back to your roots. Even if it's just for an instant!
mmm I suppose that you are comfortable and/or prefer something you know. Like say for example, you might be willing to try new and exotic food, but comfort food will always be comfort food. Same with language and culture I guess, it gives you a feeling of belonging. That is just me ;)
Where I live now there are more Latin Americans so it is very common to see adds in Spanish or people walking down the street "mientras se weyean" heh
Por cierto, entonces te comento en Ingles o Espanol? no importa que sea campechaneado?
Saludos Fned!
Just got caught up on your blogs! Whew! I'm behind. lol.
I think people in general are attracted to or like to be around those who have simmilar likes as yourself. There is that sort of connection. I find that people interested in certain sports, or music, or their background makes them have an instant connection to you.
Mostly I get that way when I'm back home and people are speaking Spanish. They would never suspect the connection but yet I still feel connected to them.
I agree with Jonna and Mexico Way- When I'm here I don't feel "connected to" Americans or Canadians, but when I'm back in the states I want to speak Spanish when I hear it spoken.
Oddly enough, when I was living in NYC I would feel that weird attraction to people when I heard them speaking with a Southern accent- I just missed that warm feeling and everything about home and family that it conjured up. I even wished I had one (of course I didn't want one when I lived there, so now I don't have one).
Dear all, Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to your comments... I have been wanting to for three days now and somehow, something always gets in the way. :(
Jonna: I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. I can understand that when you are constantly in contact with fellow americans you don't feel the urge to reach out to them as much since you don't feel that "away" from them in the first place. That's partly why I don't feel the same way about things related to the US as I do about things related to Mexico here. We are much more exposed to americans in France. I like the way you put it: "a piece of kindness and humanity between strangers". That suits me just fine. :)
Minshap: It's more the second part: "instantly understand and acknowledge your language". No matter how much you've mastered a foreign language there is ALWAYS that little window of possibility for a missunderstanding. In time you learn to accept this and try your best to avoid making a mistake that could be missintereperd, but language is such a tricky thing: a simple change in a pronounciation, a note pronounced in a particular way, a word mistaken for another, as subtle and small the mistake be, it can still lead to great catastophies (and even more when you speak fluently because then people EXPECT you to not make these types of mistakes and so when you make them it automatically makes them suspicious of your "good intentions"). And yes, once you go back to the safety of your own language and you know that there is very little room for ambiguities you can't help but feel good. As Ale put it: it's great comfort food.
Ale: I think you're right.. the feel of belonging is quite an important thing. When I first arrived in France I didn't care much about belonging. On the contrary, I actually enjoyed all the attention I got for being "exotic", but as the years pass I have to admit I miss that sense of belonging to a greater "whole" (a society? a culture? a group of friends that have known eachother since primary school?)... Globalization has probably made things easier though. I'm sure it was much harder for expats 50 years ago. Y por cierto, es igual, tanto en inglés como en español me da mucho gusto cuando comentas en mi Blog. :D
Mexico Way: That's funny that you feel connected to people speaking spanish when you go back home! (makes me think that you're more attached to Cancun and Mexico than you let on in your blog... ;)) I'm glad you feel that connection too. I'm sure if I ever left France I would still feel a pang in the heart when I heard someone speaking French. It has been such a big part of my life so far. As I am sure Cancun is in your case.
Mexpat: I know exactly what you mean! Whenever I hear someone speaking with an "acento poblano" (oh, yes... there is such a thing) I get a double ache. I also love the accents of the south in the US. I wish I could make my english dance and crackle like my Aunt S who's got the Texan accent down to last "ya'll"... LOL
Fned.
You know when I lived in Mexico for those years, I too, felt like the Joanna, and didn't feel the need to talk to an english speaking person (There were just so many tourists)
But now, back in Canada if I ever hear someone speak Spanish, I listen, and watch. Sometimes I approach, more often than not I don't.
There is one exception that I remember. We were at a beach in Vancouver, and my husband was trying to take a picture of me. There was a couple of people who were waiting for the picture to be done, so that they could take one too in that spot. (well, you know how my frenchie likes to take his time with photos, and the light and the clouds being just *so*... so I guess we were annoying the couple)
They started complaining about us in romanian so we couldn't understand. I immediatly looked at them and yelled from where I was standing (back in romanian) I basically told them to chill, we'll only be another minute.
They were visibly surprised, then mortified, and just walked away. LOL.
yes, yes and YES. I do the same thing. Although reaching out to people who speak English sometimes burns me because for the most part they're exchange students who don't really understand what living here is like. I usually offer to show them around and help them out if they need anything, yet the wall is up from making a friendship because I know, A. they won't understand most of what I go through, and B. They don't be here for very long.
That girl: Ha-ha! Your description of that romanian couple sure rang a bell *smile*... I have my own share of grumpy and impatient... although I think the Parisian genes have something to do in the equation as well... ;D
Don't you just love the faces people make when you shock them by suddenly speaking to them in another language?! LOL
Mamacita: I know what you mean. I think that is a big part of why eventually I stopped systematically reaching out to the mexicans I bumped into. Out of all the ones I've met, most have gone back to Mexico. Those that still live in Paris I have lost touch with because eventually we realize we don't have much in common (other the language!). :*(
Fned.
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