What's up doc? - shut up.

So here's the thing. I stopped blogging because basically it came down to talking about three subjects :

a) work

b) working out

c) being bored or frustrated while not working or working out


And since I didn't want to frustrate you or anyone reading over your shoulder with the oh-so non interesting details of my life I simply hit the "snooze" button hoping that in due course, my life would.... get a life.

Well, it hasn't so far.

I'm still working crazy hours (last time I checked I was clocking in 9am-10pm workdays) and the funny thing is, I'm actually okay with that.

Because the alternative is much scarier.

The other day I decided to leave early. I made myself stop typing at 7pm, I made myself log off my computer and turn off my screen, I forced myself to grab my coat and tell my boss I was leaving "early" for a change. Thirty minutes later I was home. I walked in to an empty apartment and sat down on the sofa not knowing what to do with all that free time. I debated over whether turning on the TV, razing the fridge, or changing into sweats and comfy socks and just vegging out. I did all three. Two hours later, Hubby came home and found me in my pj's with an empty bag of microwave popcorn on my lap, licking the last of the Valentina sauce from my fingers while watching dubbed episodes of The Hills (the one where Heidi thanks God for her outfit while saying Grace at the table).

The next day I came home at 10:30pm.

Because really, what is the alternative? Go out? Have friends over? Watch a movie? Go to the theater? We try to but we can't do that all the time. And the thing is, coming home after a full day at the office, my brain is mush, my muscles are tired, my tummy is hungry and my temper is short. I.don't.feel.like.going.out.again. as soon as I walk in the door. But staying in and having hours to do nothing feels even worse.

So my theory is, work like crazy, feel productive, use up all your energy, interact with as much people as possible and come home ready for a quick meal, a peck on the cheek (if it's a gym day, some exercise) and a comfy bed. And in some bizarre part of my brain, that somehow stands for an accomplished day.


SEE HOW MESSED UP I AM?


Don't worry, I'm not about to jump off a cliff. Hubby is pretty much in the same boat right now... got promoted recently which means a bigger team to manage, heavier responsibilities, more late meetings and last-minute engagements and basically as much a hectic and crazy life going on as me. Both of us cling to each other, sharing our exhaustion late in the evening after work, together enjoying the very basic pleasure of doing nothing while winding down and vegging out watching old re-runs of CSI cuddled up in the sofa for the oh-20 minutes it takes us to fall asleep.


With this rhythm, needless to say, trips were put on hold for a while. We do have plans for 2010 but so far only the smaller ones are booked (a long weekend in Vienna end of March, a quick getaway to Portugal for 6 days in June). Traveling is the one pleasure we had to look forward to, now even that is being slowly gobbled up by work as well. Hubby will probably have to go to Brazil on business in May, me to New York and Chicago in April and possibly to the Netherlands and Luxembourg before then. Fun? Not so much. It only means I'll be doing my 13h day shifts in a different time zone and wearing stilettos instead of converse sneakers.

Why do we put up with this you ask? How come we don't take steps to change it?

There's a very simple answer to that, although I'm not sure it will satisfy you.

We see our life as in "pause" right now. Ever since the end of last year, Hubby and I decided we were going to try to move somewhere else. He's been interviewing with different companies, trying to re-spark his connections and network. He's been having interviews with different companies in Hong Kong, London, Barcelona... nothing yet. But things are in motion and we're hoping that sooner or later it will happen. So we figure our current situation is temporary and if we've been holding up for so long already, we can definitely wait a little longer, right?

I told ya, it's stupid.


Anyway, as I said, I'm still trying to run regularly and that helps to keep me somewhat sane, nothing like an excruciating session with the treadmill to clear my head and zen me out after a grueling day at the office. However, my condition has gone way down in the past two months. First the injury, then the crazy working hours had me skipping training and letting myself go. I am now in worse condition than back in December when I ran the 10K, which is really ironic considering I'm planning on running a 20K in May and a Marathon in October. But I figure I might as well give myself impossible goals to try to achieve, right?

I mean, after all, I'm already doing it in other parts of my life anyway (like trying to achieve the impossible goal of working and having enough energy left to have a life on the side).





Can't say I didn't warn you:

a) work

b) working out

c) being bored or frustrated while not working or working out


Fned.