..... nor is it the one that took us across the Atlantic ocean and below the Equator......
.... I'm talking about the bus ride that was supposed to get us from Buenos Aires to Bariloche in under 24 hours (we're talking about a 2000+ km trip nonetheless!!) ..... and instead ended up taking 30+ hours!
Highlights of the trip included:
> The driver forgeting to fill up the gas tank and thus running out of fuel and breaking the gas pump in the process.
> The 4 hour stay stranded along a deserted road in the middle of nowhere waiting for a mecanic to bring a new pump (and gas)
> The bus stoping at a gas station to fill up and the driver refueling the bus with all of us still on it and the motor still running (I suspect the driver was afraid if he cut the engine it might not restart again).... all this while enjoying a nice smoke right next to the pumps.
> The extra 7 hours in the bus with no time to stop for food or bathrooms.
> The moment the air filter broke and the air inside the vehicle filled with the sand and dust coming from the outside pampas' landscape.
> The extra hour stranded just outside the Bariloche bus station waiting for a platform to be free for the unplanned 7 hour late bus to park at and finally let its passengers off that damned bus!!!
Translated version in Images:
(Leaving Buenos Aires) Yay!!! Bariloche here we come!! Wow! Look at that beautiful countryside!!! yaaaayyyy!!! :D!!!!
(A few hours later, just before night time) After that lovely gorgeous sunset I'm ready to snooze out a bit and dream of lovely Bariloche when we get there tomorrow....Nighty-night y'all =)
(A few hours later, just before dawn) Hmmmmm?... that's funny, the bus has stopped. Oh well... good night again! :-)
(A few hours later, well past dawn) What tha? Still here!? That doesn't seem right.... :s
(A few hours later...) Crap!
(Another few hours later....) Double Crap!!!
(Another few hours later....) WHEN THE F*CK ARE WE GETTING OUT OF HERE?!?!?
(A few hours later, just before night time) After that lovely gorgeous sunset I'm ready to snooze out a bit and dream of lovely Bariloche when we get there tomorrow....Nighty-night y'all =)
(A few hours later, just before dawn) Hmmmmm?... that's funny, the bus has stopped. Oh well... good night again! :-)
(A few hours later, well past dawn) What tha? Still here!? That doesn't seem right.... :s
(A few hours later...) Crap!
(Another few hours later....) Double Crap!!!
(Another few hours later....) WHEN THE F*CK ARE WE GETTING OUT OF HERE?!?!?
Che Guevara's The Motorcylcle Diaries sounds like a Club Med trip compared to what we've just been through!
Fned.
13 comments:
hahah, i've been there. bummer. in any case, i feel like long broken bus rides... that's a "real" South American experience!
i hope everything else is going smoothly and youre enjoying it all!
All I have to say is "Welcome back to Latin America, Fned!!!! Oh haven't you missed it?!?"
HAHA, such a Chilean way to start your almost in Chile experience :) Can't wait to meet you!!!!!!!!!!
let me tell you a bus story that will make you feel better. (not really, cuz our own experiences are always the most real.)
then again, a story of being stuck in a bus on a remote mud track for 4 days might just scare you out of ever getting into a bus again...
=====
we were in bolivia, running out of time in south
america, and wanted to see one last thing, the iguacu
falls on the border of brazil, argentina and paraguay,
before having to be in sau paulo for our flight to
panama city. the falls are supposed to be grander than
niagara.
the lying bastard at the bus station in Santa Cruz,
Bolivia, sold us 2 $45 tickets to Asuncion, Paraguay
(supposedly a 24-hour trip) by reassuring us that it
was the dry season there and the bus would have no
problems on the dirt road (mud when wet of course).
This was counter to our guidebook which said to beware
through the month of april. but we wanted to believe
that the shorter, cheaper, probably more-comfortable
bus through paraguay, as opposed to a combination of
bus and train through bolivia, would be our best bet.
this bet we lost in an ugly, ugly way.
Here in the third world, promises are not promises,
and we were not so naive as to expect otherwise in
this case. even so, it's one thing to SAY and even
KNOW that getting screwed over in transactions is the
norm; it's another thing altogether to stop feeling
the sense of injustice, to let go and zen out like the
natives. they're used to it, after all, to put it
stupidly. this is how they live, it is not some
ghastly failure in the theology of Customer Service,
like it feels to us gringos. at any rate, none of
the folks on our doomed bus had a plane to catch
in Sao Paulo, of that i'm sure.
it was no big whoop that the bus was late leaving,
especially since it was supposed to be a 24-hour trip,
which meant we expected between 30 and 35. then we
actually felt lucky when both of our seats had the
full leg supports of sleeper bus class, whereas even
the supposedly god-preferred Mennonites beside us were
left with no way to elevate their stockinged feet.
hah.
the bus wasn't traveling on asphalt for long, and
this was when my observation of the beast's tires back
at the station began to haunt me. i have a compulsion
about checking the tread on bus tires before a trip,
even though i know i've already bought the ticket and
no matter if steel radials are poking through i'm
getting on, to meet my death if need be. i guess
there's some part of me that still hopes to be
consoled by the motherly sight of deep, crisp grooves
in the rubber - one less thing to think about on
mountain passes, for example. but alas, this bus aint
got no grooves. its got slicks though, pretty ones,
which work great on dragsters, but aren't really
recommended for vehicles carrying 40 plus passengers
over badly-maintained mountain tracks.
anyway, that night i pass out without meds, even on
the bumpy dirt road, and sleep most of the night. next
morning mags and i are feeling pretty ok. no wailing
kids on the bus, lots of nice leg room, etc. 12 hours
to go. no problem.
then the road gets worse, turning to red clay.
slippery red clay. i'm watching the overcast sky cuz
this is precisely the part of the road that becomes
impassable when it rains. the bus fish tails in fun
little ass-wiggles as it creeps slowly down the road,
which is of course completely devoid of anything but
low scrub forest on either side (thankfully no
mountainsides) - we are in paraguay, i remind myself,
so stop fantasizing about the security of service
stations or street lights or even human habitation.
then, in early evening, the bus has its first skidding
episode. it wasn{t moving fast, so it wasn't dangerous
in that sense. but suddenly we're stopped and the
front window shows scrub forest. we are off the road,
or at least not aligned with it. the sun is sinking.
the driver, incredibly, is able to reverse out of the
situation, and continue, even slower.
later, it happens again. its dark and im awakened to
the sound of tires spinning in mud. our tires, of
course. the bald ones. this time, were stuck, and the
bus employees including the driver get out to dig with
shovels.
now, ive got a few memories of being stuck in mud in
cars, and i cant imagine any of the escape methods
working with a multi-ton bus, but frankly, its not my
problem (yet), so i sit and wait.
sure enough, the driver is soon able to rock the
behemoth back into position, and we're off, slower
than ever. we should be close to asphalt now judging
by the route we were TOLD we were taking. i fall back
asleep.
this time when we begin spinning tires it is 2 am and
the workers are apparently too tired to dig in the mud
cuz the driver cuts the engine and lights, the bus
still catty-corner across the single-lane of wet clay.
i doze again. i dont wake up till 8am and the bus is
still idle. as i step out into the mud, i see one of
the passengers - a huge, round, white-looking guy -
come yelling towards the bus in spanish, pointing
behind him at a small pickup truck in the distance
ahead of the bus. his female companion comes lumbering
off the bus with their bags and they waddle away side
by side loaded down with luggage. they disappear into
the pickup and it fishtails away smugly.
now i'm worried. this tremendous bolivian woman
passenger tries to rally all the 'young men' to start
digging, but as we'd paid $90 for two tickets, and had
been clearly lied to on multiple points, i was
motivated for nothing but getting back on the bus and
waiting. which i did guiltlessly, along with the women
and old men.
there was digging, and they even put snow chains on
the rear tires, and soon the bus was moving again. but
not for long. somehow, the huge bolivian woman had
siezed comman of the whole operation, the bus
employees being generally lazy and complacent. she
ordered that 11am was time for lunch and, in the midst
of what should have been fortunately decent weather,
we pulled over so the passengers, en mass, and led by
the huge bolivian woman, could collect firewood, build
a spit, and cook a giant pot of stew. this was both
comical and horrifying, as the hours were very
precious for us.
damn if that stew wasnt yummy, though!
while stopped, the driver claimed that he heard that
the section ahead was too wet to pass, which was the
main reason for stopping and eating. but just as lunch
was finishing up - 3 HOURS LATER!! - two buses came
from that direction, proving him wrong. of course, by
the time we got around to moving another 30 minutes
later, it was raining.
we got about 2km before skidding off the road, where
we sat for the night. in addition to the mud from the
rain, another obstacle to passing the next section was
the giant cattle truck that had jacknifed across the
entire road ahead. mags and i were long out of water
and food, and hadn't even been able to brush our teeth
all day. she broke down, and it was indeed looking
like we would be stranded for days on this "road",
just like the worst-case scenarios in the guidebook.
and most of these bolivians wouldn't make for good
eating, i was sure.
with our cruel fate, the insane laughter of village
women, and buzzing mosquitoes to contend with, we
attempted to sleep.
early am of day 4 revealed puddles in the road and
with them, no hope. now, since i couldn't even use the
flip-flops i was wearing to walk out and take a piss
because of the stickiness of the clay/mud (i had to
pull them off the ground with my hand at each step) i
got the guy to open the luggage hold and retrieved my
boots out of my backpack. i was also now entertaining
the delusion that if i contributed enough to the
digging today, we'd get the bus onto asphalt in time
to at least make our flight; never mind the Falls, of
course...
so i participated in a classic goat rodeo, whereby,
with some shovels and pickaxes, we would clear the top
layer of slimey clay from around the tires, lay some
logs between the twin rear tires, and grab a rope tied
to the rear end, TO KEEP THE BUS FROM SLIDING INTO THE
DITCH. sysiphus had it easy.
and yet, by doing this, we managed to creep very
slowly closer to the cattle-truck and its impending
reality, which was going to be dealt with by
attempting to go off the road, around it; this idea
made me want to laugh, but things were too pathetic
for laughter.
while working, small 4x4s would occasionally slide by,
throwing up curtains of clay and mocking our huge bulk
and weight. we'd silently wish we were on them, even
the ones going in the wrong direction. and that
bastard who-d gotten out the day before...
then, one of the trucks stopped. i instantly
did my best vulture impression and, without the usual
embarrassment about not knowing much spanish, said,
"habla ingles?" desperately. no, not this guy, but his
companero in the NEXT truck did.
turned out to be the 3rd truck in their little SUV
convoy, and it was an angelic paraguayan woman with
her ranger husband who offered us a ride all the way
to asuncion, where our bus was headed, theoretically.
and, just like that, the worst nightmare became the
softest, cloudiest dream-come-true, as we were, within
minutes, inside a comfy toyota landcruiser,
fishtailing up the road, the car expertly piloted by
the paraguayan cowboy. it was so the opposite of being
on that bus. it was like an amusement park ride...
each of the 3 SUVs in our convoy took turns getting stuck, but it
was no big whoop; they just towed each other back out
with winches, and mags and i didnt have to get muddy
again. we just watched out the windshield with giant
grins planted on our mugs.
the ranchers were driving out to vacation with the
austrian owners of the ranch in the other trucks, and
this high-roller even bought us lunch and snacks, and
refused to take any gas money.
the couple in our truck live on that muddy road, and
they said that our bus would probably be there for
several more days. sometimes they have to be pulled
out by caterpillar tractors, or the government has to
bring in food and water to keep people from dying.
so in the spirit of happy endings, we had to work at
it by taking more middle-of-night buses, but we made
it to the Falls in time to spend one amazing day
there. we had one more serious challenge at the sao
paulo airport, but we got through it, and we're now in
the wonderful town of panama city. well, ok, wonderful
is an exaggeration, but more on that later...
cheers,
jeff
I remember going from Puerto Vallarta to Mexico D.F. once on a bus, there were too many people, chickens, no toilets and extreme heat.
We were not stranded, and our driver was not a moron, but it was pretty bad.
Your post just brought back those memories :-)
OMG, Fned, this is so hilariously bad! I can't believe a bus driver forgot to fill his tank. It's not like he has a whole lot else to think about. Glad you lived to tell the tale.
After 32 hoours all I can think of is... "ouch my butt* :S
Oh man, what a story! It may have been miserable, but it made for a good blog post, lol!
Hoping the rest of your travels go smoothly (well, just a few bumps to keep it interesting of course!)
Glad you are ok! This will be a story you will laugh at later....I hope! LOL.
And as Mamacita Chilena said, "welcome back to Latin America!". lol.
Whoa! what with your adventure and godless maniac's account of his bustrip through hell, I'm reminded somewhat of that scene in Romancing the Stone! Without the cops and robbers stuff...
Like Mamacita I say welcome to Latin America or in Rumania today its same but...is better than today in France , "General Strike "!!!
helene
What a nightmare! I have only done one 24 hour bus trip, from Santiago to San Pedro de Atacama, and luckily it was without incident...even though the bus driver decided to turn off the headlights in the middle of the pitch black desert so that he could show my friend the Southern Hemisphere constellations without any ambient light interfering. Not sure how we stayed on the road, but we did, so it was fine. We've also had experience of a bus not being able to get passengers off because it was late, while other buses breeze by because they were scheduled to arrive at that time. Ohhh, Latin America.
Glad you made it, now hurry up and get to Santiago!
And to Godless Maniac, WOW. Just wow. Also, your paragraph about promises not being promises pretty much summed up how I feel 90% of the time, so thank you - I now have better words to express myself than just a string of expletives. Although this is supposedly my year of zen, so maybe I will finally learn to go with it!
OH my...Minshap remembers Romancing the Stone, and I remember a bus scene from "Now Voyager" That scene scared me, but I must admit your real life adventure was far more scary!!
We sure hope the rest of your trip goes much more smoothly!
ENJOY!
Lydia: Yep, and here's what's even more "fun": we're taking ANOTHER bus this evening... can't wait to see how THAT goes (can you hear the irony in my voice?) ;D
Mamacita: There really is "no place like home", n'est ce pas?? Can't wait to meet you too!
Godless Maniac (and Mags): Your trip really puts things into perspective! Compared to what you two went through, Hubby and I had it easy!!! Glad you got to see the Falls though.... they are so amazing even all the shit you went through kinda makes it worth it, don't you think?
That Girl: hehehe... glad our little trip brought back "fun" memories from your time in my country. LOL
Jonnifer: Tell me about it! What do you think the bus driver on tonight´s trip will forget? The Passangers? wouldn't put it past them..... (ok, that was mean) ;D
Ale: You guessed the first words that came out of my mouth. The next ones were: "pinches choferes the m.....!!!" lol
CancunCanuck: This one is definetly going down in the family Golden Book!
My Way: ahahahaha.... bet this one brought you back fond memories, huh?? :D
Minshap: Actually, funny you mention it but IT DID!!! That's what you get when you're the daughter of a movies buff!! :D
Helene: Yeah, I know! I read about the strikes back in France. For once I'm glad about our beaten down bus. At least we got to our destination EVENTUALLY!!! LOL
Emily: Glad your trip went without incident (although I have to admit I used to do the flicking off of the lights in the night to see the stars thing.... I guess it is a latin amerian thing to do, LOL). Wish us luck on our next one to Mendoza. We're getting closer!! Can't wait to meet ya too!
IdaRose (aka Mimi): I haven't seen that movie yet, guess we'll have to when we get back. I bet it will bring back plenty of memories!!!
Fned.
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